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To the Newly Grieving Mom; the One Who Understands My Grief:

I know we have probably never met, yet we bear the same burden. We bear the same unimaginable loss. We both live the same nightmare, hoping to wake up to our child the next morning (and every morning after that). We both have arms that once held everything so dearly, and now our arms are forever empty. We both change the subject when someone asks about family, knowing it will just bring on the tidal wave of tears. We both have to justify how to answer the question of "How many children do you have?" There is no best way to answer this question unless you are speaking with another grieving mom. Everyone else looks at us as if we are crazy. We are not. We are hurting in a way they cannot understand.

You and I feel the same knot in our stomach, as we hold back tears. You and I walk around in a different space, looking for answers that we do not have. You and I cling to the items that bring us close to our child. The things we have set aside in a box for when we are brave enough to spend time looking at them again. Our courage is unmatched, as is our strength. You and I spend an entire day in bed two days of every year: the date of our child's passing and the date of their birthday. Mother's Day is the worst, and yet we still have to smile through the day. After all, we have others who need us too. You and I have become especially good at smiling. This is because we don't want to hear, "Aren't you over this yet?" or "You really should move on. They'd want you to." Sigh. As if there is some magical switch we can turn off.

The length of my grief will never be rushed. I refuse. And I know you feel the same. For love never ends so why would grief ever end? As unbearable as my own painful grief is, it comes from love. And oh, how I know you understand. I understand your pain too. Words aren't needed and silence can, at times, be such a gift.

My son was 18 when he died from an ordinary illness that we all get at some point in our lives. That's my guy, always doing something unique. And I am sure our children's stories are very different. The pain that brought us here, together, is probably nothing alike either. It is what has happened after our worlds changed that will forever link us together. It is the pain of losing our child that makes our hidden scars be seen by others who have also suffered child-loss. This has connected us together on Grief's Long Journey.

As you walk along your own Grief Journey, feeling so abandoned and lost, please know that you are not alone. You are seen, you are heard, and you are loved. Over time I promise that the deep pain you carry, the sorrow and disbelief, will shift. Unexpectedly, you will start to remember joy in your child's living, and this will make you smile, instead of bringing on the tidal wave of tears. And the best of all, you will allow it to do so (read that part again). Oh, for so very long grief held a tight grip on your heart. So tight that you had to remind yourself to breathe. Yes, you will still have rough days, but they will be tempered with better days, and more of them. There will be a shift, I promise. You will find ways to honor your child, keeping him/her in the forefront of your purpose. After all, you are living for two now. So carry your child's legacy. This is what will fill your arms now. Shine their light for all to see. This is what remembrance will look like now. And most of all have Hope. I mean, really experience Hope for all that it can offer you. Look for it, take it, feel it, and hold it; always close to your heart. Hope will coincide with Love, and this will create a wonderful balance for your "I-never-asked-for-this" life.

So as I pray my daily prayers, I will always include you: the mother I've never met. You're the one person out there who shares my same grief. We are forever united. My hope for you is that you find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone, you are seen, you are heard, you are loved. Please know that there is someone out there just like you. It's me! Me and all the other grieving moms. I am here for you ALWAYS.

With Hope for you always,

Zach's Mom