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I would like to start by saying I am sorry this is happening to you, and this is not your fault. You are going to feel what you are going to feel and that is ok. You are going through something horrible. Not only are you going through something horrible, your wife is too. Which is hard to watch. Especially when you feel like there is nothing you can do to help her. While you are wanting to help your wife, she is wanting to help you too, let her. Share with her, let her know you are hurting, let her know whatever you are feeling. The best thing you can do, for yourself, for your wife, is just feel it, and share what you are feeling.

2019 my wife and I lost triplets. Willow died in utero in April. My wife carried her, Emma, and Lily until May 29th. On May 29th Willow was delivered stillborn. On May 30th, my wife developed a uterine infection. May 31st Emma and Lily were born, lived for about an hour, and died. It has been 5 years, and I still feel moments of sadness, randomly out of nowhere. It has been 5 years and I still wonder what could have been. I think that is what hurts the most, the unmet potential, the memories never made, the smiles never seen, the laughs never heard, the hugs never felt.

I wish I had some magic words to make it all better, I wish you were not reading this letter right now. I wish you never had to know this loss, this pain. Welcome to the club no one ever wanted to be a part of. If you have faith, lean into it, I know mine is all that gets me through the hardest moments. If you have family, lean into them. You are going to feel moments where you just want to be alone, that is ok! Be alone, but do not stay alone. Feel what you feel, but remember to keep moving forward. You can not sit in it, your wife needs you, the world needs you. If you have other kids, they need you. Feel your pain, your heartache, your misery, your depression. Feel it for however long you need to, but do not stay in it. Move forward, but not on. You will never move on, they will always be your child (or children). Whether you got minutes with them as I did, or days, or maybe not even seconds. Your child was here, your child is real, they exist even though they may no longer have breath in their lungs, or a beating heart. They are real, they do exist.

Sincerely,

Thomas W.