How do I process my grief? It is too hard!

Internationally renowned grief and loss speaker and author Dr. Alan Wolfelt came to our area a couple of months ago to speak on the topics of grief and healing.

Two of the most impactful suggestions that he shared were the ideas of companioning and dosing grief.

Often, grief comes at us so quickly and intensely that we can begin to fear it.

In our fear, we can try to forget or hide our feelings so that we don’t have to experience all of our big emotions.

But if we were to stop and think about it...

Grief is actually our body’s way of helping our hearts and minds come to terms with loss, which helps us to heal and survive.

By stifling or ignoring our grief, we will not move forward in healing.

Dr. Wolfelt suggests giving grief some space in our everyday lives by making it our companion rather than trying to avoid it.

Instead of drowning in despair by sinking in an all-consuming grief, or ignoring our grief altogether, allowing our minds small doses of time to reflect on our loss and work toward healing can make our burden more bearable.

What does it mean to dose your grief?

Try spending small periods of time of being alone at home or in your child’s room.

Make time to go through photos or videos or your child’s belongings, a bit at a time, even if you can only handle five minutes every once in a while.

You can slowly start to visit the places or people that bring back memories as you are ready, setting up small windows of time before you plan to leave and having an exit plan, so that the visits are not overwhelming.

As you live through small portions of emotional experiences ~ and as you see that you are able to handle them ~ you will find that your mind will begin to process what has happened.

Over time, you will find yourself not just crying, but also smiling at beautiful memories of your child’s life and the impact that he or she made on our world.

Healing comes about slowly. One day at a time.

So slowly rejoice in your memories and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace, one memory at a time.